Finding my way in life

Whew, it has been a wild few months, I must admit. I got into a hugh depression. And sometimes I still fall back into it from time to time. I am now trying to really improve my life in meaningful ways. Its going slowly, but its like a snowball, its slowly picking up pace. I have been in contact with my new friend, Father Sean, who gave me some direction. I am trying to discern my vocation, which can be roughly translated to figuring out not just what i am to do in life, but the type of person I am going to be. It is not going to be easy, because it seems like I could be anything. I think of figuring out my vocation is a bit like a mystery. I follow leads, investigate and interogate witnesses. SOme areas do not turn up fruit. Others teach you a little more about yourself. One of the things I am looking into is writing. All of this has led me to find a vital clue; I need self disipline. Its a huge issue with me. I need to be able to set my own goals and follow through with them. I am slowly getting there. Am I getting there fast enough? Who knows. I do know that I am moving along the right path, the trail is hot and the clues are fresh. So whoever is listening, pray that I get some of that self-disipline. Lets talk about the new things I am trying. Like saying the rosary in my head; since I work at a fairly monotonous job right now, it is a good practice to get into, but for my scattered brain it is difficult. It requires I stay focused, and be constatly aware of my prayer; the most difficult part, I find, is being able to make the prayer 'real' instead of purely cerimonial. But trailing a close second and third are keeping track of my imaginary rosary beads and remembering the prayers. I am also reading the Gospel of John. I have read it before, but it can't hurt to read it again (there is a school of thought that says you cannot understand any book till you read it at least three times). For any other person, this is boring, and even silly. But to me its exciting. Its also going to be hard, especially when novemeber comes. I will be writing 1600 words a day, ontop of this and KoM. And reading. I have already been restricting my tv watching severely in the knowlege that I will not be able to watch more then an hour most nights. This is a rather self indulgent post, but occasionally I like to write about the context of my other posts, so people know where I am coming from. Well, whoever is listening, pray for me if you can.
Peace.