A Post About My Struggle To Find my Path

I wanted to write about love tonight. I keep wanting to write about it. It is so important. But I am not ready, as much as I want to, as important as it is (for indeed, it is the single most important thing). So I shall try to write about what I am going through. I am searching for my purpose in life. And I feel like I am drowning. So I suppose I need to work this out a little, here, now, so that those that care about me out there can read and understand.

I am at a point in my life where I am staring into the darkness and I do not know where to turn. And behind me, it feels like people are pushing me to run into the dark blindly. But, they are right; I must choose a way.

I know that there is something out there, something special, something unique, not just for me, but for everyone; something that will fill them up. More then a job, more then a career, but a way of being. But I am afraid, and lazy. And ignorant. I cannot find my own path. I am not alone I suppose; it seems like most of society is just as lost. But I feel alone. And whats worse is that I can hardly even put what I want or feel into words.

I want to serve god.

I want to build something for him.

I want to write.

Those I believe are part of the future. I hope so. But as you can see thats not very far. The first part, well, of course I want to serve God, but many do, in manifold ways. And the second, is too vague still.

But the third, writing. I think its time to push this site. Time to commit myself to writing here more then once every blue moon. And my stories, my ideas. I must commit some time to them. Thats step number one. So, I shall make a commitment, to help me further my journey in Christ and understand myself. For the next year I shall publish a new posting every week. It may, at times, be difficult for me to do, so watch out for crap (I have never presumed to be lecturing to you my dear readers, but I had to write these ideas down, and I had to let the light shine). Today is sunday, a good enough day I suppose to set the mark. Next sunday, I shall have another posting on Restore us. And I thank you, if you care to join me on my journey. Please leave comments if you wish, any advice is welcome (I feel a bit of dread at that, who knows what wiser creatures are wandering the web, waiting to swat the nose of a young christian such as myself.) Thank you for your patient hearts, dear readers and mei amici, and keep me in your prayers, if you can. I shall keep you in mines.